Jimmy Kimmel Says His Numbers Are Better Than Trump’s
The Punchiest Punchlines (In the Meantime Edition)
“It’s day six of the government shutdown, which means they’re no longer paying the nice young man who cuts Joe Biden’s food.” — TYRUS, guest host of “Gutfeld!”
“Yes, today is day six of the government shutdown. As you know, it lasts for eight days. I may be confusing that with Hanukkah.” — JON STEWART
“I feel like we do this every [expletive] year, this story. Government shutdown, government shutdown. And Trump is devastated about it. You know how much he loves the government. He said, ‘Next you’re going to tell me Wendy’s is all out of salad.’” — BILL MAHER
“Government’s closed! I’m going to have to play more golf.” — BILL MAHER, imitating Trump
The Bits Worth Watching
Taylor Swift discussed her engagement to Travis Kelce and her new album on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”
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